It’s been a while.
Hello guys and gals! Firstly big apologies I have been quiet for the best part of a year, it has been one hell of a year and I’ve just needed the time. Lots of things have happened, and I’ve just had to focus on myself, my partner and my children. But I’m hoping to continue with my blogging as it helped me alot last year, so if you’ll still read me here I am!
Meet Eva Louise Pamela Rowe
As you all know last year in September I gave birth to a beautiful baby girl called Betsy, she was born at 20 weeks 1 day and is our little angel. I’m not afraid to say that I wanted to get pregnant quite quickly after loosing her, I knew our family was missing one more child, and I longed to try and fill that empty hole in our family. Not replace!
So in October the day after Betsys funeral I had to have a d&e for retained placenta. I fell pregnant about two weeks after but sadly that ended in a chemical pregnancy. Come November I fell pregnant again, soon after my birthday actually. I found out at the beginning of December, which i was roughly about 3 weeks pregnant.
Obviously I was just terrified to begin with, every time I went to the toilet I would just expect to see blood in my knickers! I couldn’t physically allow myself to accept I was going to have a baby.
As time went on.. My pregnancy continued, but I never felt pregnant as this time I literally had no symptoms. No headaches, no sickness, no sore boobs, no food aversions, nothing. I was was so poorly with Betsy, and I had always had sickness with all of my children. The worry got alot worse, I had four early reassurance scans between 6 and 9 weeks. Two were paid for as I just couldn’t relax and wait till my 12 week scan in february. Two I didn’t pay for due to bleeding from my ectropium.
February came and we saw our tiny perfect little baby had grown and it’s heartbeat was still strongly beating away, yet I just still couldn’t allow myself to accept I was going to get my rainbow baby in August!
She was due August 19th
The proper checks.
I booked in an early gender scan at 15 weeks and 6 days, despite the fact I was going to be having a 16 week scan in a few days at my hospital to check the baby. I was offered this scan because of what happened with Betsy they were happy to start checking and making sure baby was healthy. After explaining at the gender scan they gave a little once over aswell, and everything was looking absolutely normal. We also found out after convincing ourselves we were having a boy.. the baby was a she! That was some news to take in as we had just lost a girl, so I really wasn’t expecting a girl. But for the baby to be healthy was all I cared about. The 16 week scan at the hospital was all lovely aswell, when she told me she couldn’t see any of the outside problems Betsy had I couldn’t tell you the relief in me- the only thing she couldn’t thoroughly check was her brain. But I was getting a very detailed scan back in Southampton with foetal medicine, which was the same place I had my last scans to check Betsy.
It was so difficult waiting for that 20 week scan, because the brain was the only thing I hadn’t had the all clear for yet, they could only say ‘from what I can see it looks normal’.
Being back at that hospital, that waiting room, the scan room was so fucking hard. Only months before me and Michael were sat there, when Betsy was in my tummy and we had just found out our world had been turned upside down! I sat there though and I waited, luckily I had someone different to scan me, so there wasn’t too many flash backs. A good 45 minutes, and a jump and walk around later our baby girl was absolutely healthy and perfect!! How bloody lucky I felt walking out of that hospital.
Time went on in the pregnancy, we moved house when I was about 24 weeks. The children had to settle into a new school and pre school, but we all just carried on. Not thinking about anything bad I really surprised myself.
24 week bump
I survived the mother of all heatwaves from 34 weeks onwards. I bloodu miss that sun now!
July became abit scary as August was approaching fast, my nerves started to take over. I did end up phoning the hospital alot, and going in to be monitored. I think I started to become more aware of the things that could go wrong, after blocking it out of my mind for all those months! I was also still trying to allow myself and imagine my beautiful baby being in my arms the following month!
When we moved in April, we moved to a completely different city, so I had to see lots of different consultants and midwives to go over my history. Discussing the reasons for my previous planned c section with William, and making sure they were happy for me to have another. I was given a date back then aswell.. 13th August 6 days before my due date. An official date to prepare for! Also a very special number as Betsy was born on the 13th September. That was meant to be.
Annabelle and William finished for the summer holidays and August came, I had 3 weeks left with them until our princess was due to arrive. Those 3 weeks absolutely flew, we managed to cram loads of fun things in which I was so grateful for.
The night before our lives changed again.
We spent the evening at Michael’s parents, and left the two big ones with them whilst we went home to sleep and prepare. I just didn’t feel right that weekend, my anxiety had really taken over and I became so paranoid something was wrong.. Me and Michael ended up going in to the day assesment unit in the early hours of Monday the 13th for monitoring- we came home for about an hours sleep after and went back for 7.30am!
The big big day
Lots of waiting around most of the morning, there was me and two other ladies, we weren’t aware of what order we were going down at that point. No body wanted to be 3rd though, as it likely meant you’d have to wait until the afternoon for the Labour ward surgeons to take over! The planned surgeons only come in until 12.30pm.
I was second!!
It was nearly my time, 11 long months I had to wait for this moment. (This includes the months just after Betsy).
11.52am on the 13th August 2018, weighing 8lbs 10.5oz, our rainbow baby was finally here!
And oh she was absolutely worth that wait, the emotions that ran through me the second they lifted her up to show me her. I had goosebumps, my eyes were filled with tears, my happy ending was here, I finally got my baby!
We had abit of a scary time in the hospital the following day, her breathing was pretty fast, and her blood sugars had dropped very low. She was admitted into the neonatal intensive care unit, and was being treated for a few serious infections. They first thought she had group b strep and then sepsis.
I just know my nan and Betsy were right there throughout those 4 days we were in hospital, as her bloods and tests came back normal! No infection! Two days worth of antibiotics but they couldn’t take any risks, they were honestly amazing down there! We saw lots of traumatic things during those couple of days she was admitted, broke my heart seeing so many poorly babies.
I came home with alot of anxiety that sits with me now, I find myself phoning professionals daily because I cannot stop the panic and worry. Her breathing I’m monitoring all the time, if she goes a bit longer between a feed at night I just fear her sugars have dropped. (I will talk to you all about this in a more detailed post at some point). As this post was just to come back and introduce you all to our beautiful Eva!
And her name came from nowhere too, we couldn’t agree on any names at all. Georgina was about the only one we could, but she just wasn’t a Georgina.. She was just known as baby Griffin or baby Rowe in hospital. Eva popped into my head for some reason over the last few days of pregnancy and I didn’t think much of it at the time, but I’m so glad it did. She is definitely our baby Eva.
Enjoy the baby spam.
Isn’t she so frickin scrummy
The most proudest big sister and brother
Eva smiled at mummy for the first time at 4 weeks old