Baby Loss Awareness 2019

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Why is baby loss such a taboo topic? Why do others think we don’t want to talk about it? Why do we allow ourselves to suffer in silence?.

My own photo

Nobody can ever prepare you when you loose your baby. Nobody knows why bad things happen, why our baby is chosen to die, or have severe problems that later cause death. Why they die suddenly with no explanation, or why our bodies decide to reject our babies just a few weeks into pregnancy.

All we constantly tell ourselves is how it isn’t fair, or you ask yourself why me?

The loss of a baby whether it be; miscarriage, medical termination (ending a wanted pregnancy), stillborn, death in infancy, or cot death etc.. is the most hardest loss a parent will ever face. And you know something? They are all given these different names, for different stages of a loss. But they all still ball down to the same heartbreak- the loss of your baby.

1 in 4 women will be affected by the loss of their baby every single day. In the UK 9 babies are stillborn every day. Roughly 3,300 women every year end their pregnancy due to serious complications with their baby- because they are unlikely to survive, will lead a very poor quality of life, or will only live for a short time after birth (medical termination). Around 200 babies die a year from sudden infant death syndrome (SIDS). Last year 5 babies born in every 1000 babies, that ended up in the neonatal unit died. Whether that be prematurely born, or they were born unwell.

I can only explain how it feels, for myself and other bereaved parents. I’ve also been speaking to a few family members that have witnessed someone in their family experience the loss of a baby, and how it was for them.

I don’t know about you but as time went on I often felt like I had to try and be normal, to fit back in with society. Because people are afraid to speak up about baby loss, or mention your baby that has just died. So as much as we are dying inside, for some Reason we feel like have to put on a brave face, and smile for the rest of the world.

We absolutely do not!! Cry as much as you need, say their name millions of times, shout, scream, shut yourself away, get angry, feel jealous. Let all the emotions ride with you. You are aloud to feel that way, we don’t owe society anything, we have just lost one of our children, our own flesh and blood, our beautiful baby.

I remember the day I gave birth to Betsy, my heart shattered into a million pieces it honestly didn’t feel real. I actually felt like I was stuck in a nightmare, you always think these things don’t happen to me! You hear about them but they don’t happen to you.

Well unfortunately you do, anything can happen, life can be so unfair sometimes!

Most people when they hear about baby loss feel sad for the person/people going through it. But their life then carries on as normal, ours doesn’t. We learn to live a new life, a life without a child we so longed for, a life with one less little person’s laughter, a life with one less child hitting mile stones, or starting school, or going to college, learning to drive, getting married, having kids.

Those first few weeks/months after having Betsy were just torture, so many people around me annoying pregnancies, giving birth. The day after I had her I decided to let everyone know what had happened, as I wrote my facebook status and posted the picture of her little hand prints; I scrolled down to see a pregnancy announcement.

It killed me, it felt like someone was stabbing me in the heart and twisting the knife, it wasn’t that person’s fault by any means but at the time you just feel like everyone else gets to be happy.

Reality really hit me in hospital, as I cradled my dead, cold, lifeless baby I knew I would never be able to take her home. Back then I was swamped with tremendous guilt, I didn’t want to be hear, I hated anybody who was pregnant. Life wasn’t worth it in my eyes, despite having 2 children that needed me, one of my children was in heaven alone without me.

It nearly broke my relationship, Michael tried his best to be strong for me and the kids, but that triggered my anger.. he’s behaving normally. How dare he be happy whilst I feel like this? How can you carry on whilst Betsy isn’t here anymore!

2 years on I have my good days and bad days, I begged and begged for Eva. But she’ll never replace Betsy. Betsy would have lived a horrible life of pain and suffering- if she had even survived, that is the one thing that gets me through.

Everybody grieves differently; after recently being diagnosed with complex ptsd, ptsd and Cyclothymia, would you believe I’m only just allowing my body to properly go through the grieving process.

Apparently I’m not the only one, so many bereaved parents have reached out to me feeling the same. Even family members who have supported somebody that has lost a child, one girl reached out to me and said she couldn’t even cope, let alone her sister who had just lost her child.

It affects everybody, the whole family has lost; a daughter, a sister, a niece, a granddaughter, a cousin.

Believe me when I say there is no right or wrong way to feel or behave when you loose a child. I went from angry, to sad, to full of hate in minutes. How could the world just carry on whilst I’m here suffering? I wouldn’t ever wish baby loss on anyone, but at the time everyday I asked myself- Why does everybody else get their babies and I can’t have mine? Sounds selfish and horrendous, but it’s just how you feel honestly. The jealousy in you when you see other babies is like no other.

Everywhere I went when I finally went out there were newborns and babies everywhere, I just wanted to shut down and never wake up!

It breaks me when I think about it now, because I had two beautiful children who needed me.

Anniversaries and birthdays are never easy, and we celebrate every single one, including her due date! She was still a person, still a life, and she deserves to be celebrated.

Annabelle is developing a real undestanding to it all now, understanding that her sister died. We went to her grave for her second birthday last month, and Annabelle just sobbed and sobbed! I want them to remember their baby sister, and celebrate her as a person, I want them to take their children there one day, and tell them all about their Auntie.

For anybody suffering please remember you are never alone, they will never be forgotten, and there is always someone to talk too.

Lastly I’m going to share some charities I email regularly that have always listened, replied, and never been afraid to say her name to me:

There are also other charities you can contact: (They provide emotional support to bereaved parents, promote expert advice on safe sleeping, and raise awareness of sudden infant death syndrome). (They provide support to families affected by miscarriage, ectopic or molar pregnancy. (They offer emotional support and practical support to families gain the best knowledge they need to care for their premature or sick baby, however long they live for).

If you have been affected by any of the topics discussed, please never hesitate to get in touch and talk to someone, I promise you it helps!

Author: Sian’sways

Hello, my name is Sian. I started this blog in 2017 after the death of our baby Betsy. I am the sort of person that finds writing things down and expressing myself helpful. But I want to express myself in so many different ways and talk about so many things including; Mental Health, Baby Loss, Fashion, Motherhood, Hauls, DIY, Beauty, Reviews and so many other things

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